One of the simplest ways to explain self-compassion is this: treating yourself the way you would treat a close friend. The funny thing is, we all know how to do that. We know how to show care and understanding, how to calm someone down, how to remind them they’re loved. We already understand compassion. To access our own inner strength, we just need to turn it inward.

Compassion is a way of being in the world, “a verb”, as the Vietnamese monk and Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh once said. By that, he meant that compassion isn’t just a feeling. It’s an action-oriented way of being: literally “being with suffering” in order to ease it.

Inner strength through compassion

This compassionate, understanding mindset has the power to change how we see ourselves. Through self-compassion, you can access your own inner strength. It helps you meet yourself with kindness and acceptance rather than blame or judgment, and it prevents you from slipping into a negative spiral.

“Compassion is a verb.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

This compassionate presence opens you up, motivates you, and generates positive emotions. You acknowledge the heavy, overwhelming feelings, but you don’t identify with them.

Or as Thich Nhat Hanh said: “Feelings, whether of compassion or irritation, should be welcomed, recognized, and treated on an absolutely equal basis; because both are ourselves.”

Why should you build inner strength?

As said, finding that compassionate inner strength doesn’t have to be hard, because you already know how to be kind. You only have to turn it inwards. As easy as it sounds, being compassionate toward yourself takes practice, and it’s that same practice that gradually rewires your mindset, helping you respond to challenges with inner strength and resilience.

The positive effects of compassion are firmly grounded in scientific research. For instance, people who practice self-compassion experience less anxiety, self-criticism, and stress, and more life satisfaction, happiness, and emotional resilience.

Read more: What causes a lack of inner strength and self-compassion?

How to build inner strength?

So, where do you start when building a kinder, more resilient inner self? This compassionate strength is made up of three “ingredients”: kindness (warmth), mindfulness (space), and common humanity (connectedness). By practicing with these ingredients, you can gradually develop more self-compassion and inner strength over time:

1. Be with feelings as they are

First, we want to make room for all our feelings, just as they are. Most of the time, we don’t allow ourselves that space or time. Imagine a friend calling with a problem, and instead of listening, we talk over them. That’s often how we treat ourselves.

Mindfulness helps with creating this headspace, but it’s important to know that you don’t necessarily have to practice mindfulness to be compassionate. For example, studies show that a daily 20-second self-compassionate touch exercise can also create the space you need.

2. Treat yourself with care

Only creating space doesn’t make sense if you don’t fill it with warmth, self-compassion expert and psychologist Kristin Neff said. Often, our inner dialogue isn’t as caring as we need. That makes it important to fill the space with care and understanding and treat yourself with kindness.

Try to sit with your feelings and speak to yourself as you would to a good friend in the same situation. Discover your compassionate voice: find the kind sentences you need to tell yourself instead of the harsh ones your familiar with.

Learn more: How to talk kindly to yourself and discover your compassionate voice?

3. Acknowledge you’re human

We often feel as if everyone else is living a perfect, problem‑free life. But being human means being imperfect, and it’s exactly our struggles and flaws that connect us with others.

Try to see your own experience as part of the broader human story. Recognize that you’re human, and like everyone else, you’ll feel stress, pain, anxiety, and other difficult emotions. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll encounter obstacles. And that’s completely fine; it’s what makes you human.

As Neff puts it, “The only thing you need to deserve compassion is to be a flawed human being.”

Want to learn more about building inner strength and resilience? Check out our Mindful Self-Compassion courses, an evidence-based program for mental strength, an evidence-based program for mental strength

Credits image: Mathias Reding