You’re on your way home from work, replaying a conversation with your boss over and over, wondering whether you said the right thing and if that final comment came across the wrong way. Before you know it, your mind jumps to a conversation with your mother the other day, and you start telling yourself you should visit her more often and… Wait, hold a sec. We hate to break it to you, but most of the time, overthinking everything won’t solve your problems.

So, how can you stop, or at least reduce, overthinking every thought and experience in your life?

Why is your brain always thinking?

We spend a lot of time inside our own minds. We use our brains to solve problems, think about past events and future ones, come up with ideas, reflect on life, imagine new ways of doing things, and revisit thoughts we’ve already had.

Whether we go for a run, listen to a podcast, work on a professional project, or talk with a close friend, research shows that our thoughts drift during almost all activities. This is called mind wandering, and it is driven by the default mode network in the brain.

Thinking is not necessarily a bad thing, an article in Cambridge University’s philosophy journal Think argues. “If thinking is done well, then you can’t have too much of it,” the author writes.

But when the default mode network becomes overactive, thinking becomes overthinking or destructive rumination, and can lead to worrying, stress, and impedes practical action.

Is it normal to overthink everything?

It’s good to know you’re not alone when you’re stuck in your head. Research shows that everyone can experience overthinking. Our brains are wired to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones. This is called the negativity bias: a survival mechanism that helped our ancestors stay alert to threats and danger.

Even though those dangers are usually not life-threatening anymore, our brains still scan for potential risks. That makes it easier to dwell on worries than to stay with positive experiences.

How to stop constantly overthinking?

It is possible to reduce the negative thoughts that take over your mind. Overthinking is an (unconscious) habit we fall into, which means it is also something you can unlearn. So, what exactly helps when you’re constantly overthinking life?

1. Pause

When you notice your mind is overthinking everything, a good approach is to pause, perhaps even longer than you’re used to. Regular rest and recovery are essential for recharging your (mental) energy, we wrote earlier.

The activities that help to calm down your mind differs from person to person. It could be exercise, crafting, reading, mindfulness or breathing exercises, or anything else that makes you feel relaxed. It also helps to allow yourself not to respond immediately to every single thought that pops up.

2. Use self-compassion

A science-backed way to interrupt the negative thoughts and bring yourself back to emotional balance is self-compassion. Self-compassion helps you to stay present with painful experiences, without getting stuck in a negative spiral. In this article we explain how to stop your mind from racing.

3. Listen to heroic music

Another interesting (and fun!) way to cope with rumination is by listening to music. Music can influence the flow and tone of our (negative) thoughts or self-criticising words, professor of biological and medical psychology Stefan Koelsch writes on Psyche.com.

In a 2019 study, Koelsch and his colleagues found for example that “music has a strong effect on the valence of thought contents during mind-wandering, with heroic music evoking more empowering and motivating thoughts, and sad music more relaxing or depressive thoughts.”

4. Ground yourself

Grounding is the practice of anchoring yourself in the present moment, especially when your are ruminating or your thoughts feel to big to handle. Grounding helps you return to a sense of inner steadiness.

Think of these grounding exercises as micro-moments of returning to yourself rather than a full-length meditation. In this article, you’ll find a gentle, evidence-based grounding technique to start.

Want to learn more? Learn how to calm your mind and grow inner strength with one of our Mindful Self-Compassion course

Photo: Kristine javashvili