It may seem like self-compassion, self-care, self-love, and self-confidence all boil down to the same thing, but don’t be misled by the language. While they do overlap, each term has its own distinct meaning and therefor requires a different approach. But what exactly are these differences, and how do they relate to your self-worth?

What is the difference between self-care and self-compassion?

According to psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, there is overlap between self-care and self-compassion. “Self-care usually refers to behaviors you engage in,” she explains. Think of activities like exercise, rest, going for a walk, or reading a book. As the term suggests, it’s about taking care of yourself.

“Self-compassion, on the other hand, is about how you respond to yourself when you’re suffering,” Neff clarifies. While self-care can be practiced at any time, it doesn’t necessarily involve offering yourself kindness and understanding during difficult moments.

“You may not always have time for self-care, but you can still be there for yourself emotionally with compassion. And that’s where the key difference lies,” she says. For example, when you haven’t slept well, you can acknowledge your exhaustion with kindness rather than self-criticism, offering yourself patience and understanding instead of frustration.

What is the difference between self-compassion and self-confidence?

Self-esteem or self-confidence is not quite the same as self-compassion. In fact, they are quite different. As Neff explains, self-confidence arises when we feel we are above average. But what happens when everyone wants to feel above average? That’s right, it becomes impossible, leading us to inflate our own worth while putting others down.

Moreover, self-esteem fluctuates depending on how well things are going for you, Neff points out. It rises with success and falls with failure, making it an unstable foundation for self-worth.

Self-compassion isn’t tied to those moments of success or failure. Instead, it’s about how you relate to yourself, whether you like or dislike certain aspects of who you are. It means treating yourself with kindness and understanding, regardless of whether things are going well or falling apart, making it a more stable source of self-worth.

Think of it this way: self-compassion steps in when self-confidence wavers, especially in moments of struggle. When you make a mistake, forget something, or fall short in some way, self-compassion allows you to accept yourself and show up for yourself, even when you’re not perfect (which, by the way, is impossible anyway).

Which comes first: self-esteem or self-compassion?

Psychological research points out that self-compassion offers the same benefits as self-confidence, only without the downsides, such as social comparison or narcism. Self-compassion brings a stable sense of self-worth, whether things go well for you or not. So, the question shouldn’t be about which comes first, but rather which is more stable and reliable.

What is the difference between self-love and self-compassion?

The difference between self-love and self-compassion is subtle. Self-love is a broader concept that refers to an overall positive regard for oneself, including self-acceptance and appreciation.

The difference between self-love and self-compassion is subtle but significant. Self-love to an overall positive regard for oneself, including self-acceptance and appreciation. Self-compassion, on the other hand, isn’t necessarily about fostering a positive view of oneself but rather about how you respond to yourself in moments of suffering.

Self-compassion involves offering yourself kindness and comfort during difficult times, helping to reduce self-criticism and anxiety while increasing resilience. This makes self-compassion more of a process or a practice. It steps in when you’re facing challenges or struggling with self-doubt. Self-love is a state of self-worth and appreciation, which can be an outcome of practicing self-compassion.

Want to start practicing self-compassion?

So, where do you begin if you want to start your self-compassion journey?

First, it helps to understand the three elements of self-compassion, as well as the concepts of fierce and tender self-compassion.

Next, you can start practicing self-compassion in various ways. For example, try writing yourself a self-compassion letter or practicing mindfulness to quiet your inner critic.

You can also join one of our self-compassion meditations: a guided practice in a small group where you can reflect, share insights, ask questions, and leave feeling connected and inspired.

Credits image: Stas Ostrikov via Unsplash