Why is it easier to reach out to others than to ourselves? Research shows that we are more caring toward others. Why do we pay so little attention to self-care? And what misconceptions about self-compassion and self-care should we let go of?

Why Do You Struggle with Self-Care?

Does this sound familiar? You’re busy, and the days seem too short. You feel like there are still a hundred things to do. Your to-do list is overwhelming, even when it includes fun activities—they, too, can sometimes feel like too much.

If you recognize this, know that you are not alone. Many people experience the same, even if they have a good life. With a demanding job, family life, social connections, and too much to do in too little time, it’s no surprise that you feel exhausted and tense.

What People Get Wrong about Self-Care

Self-care may not be high on your to-do list, but you need time to recharge and take care of yourself so that you have the capacity to be there for others, even your closest loved ones.

Studies show that most people are kinder and more caring toward others than themselves. Why is it so hard to practice self-care and self-compassion? It’s important to let go of the following misconceptions, especially if the words self-compassion or self-care make you uncomfortable.

1. Self-Compassion Is the Same as Self-Pity

Self-compassion does not mean feeling sorry for yourself; in fact, it prevents you from falling into self-pity. It helps you recognize and acknowledge difficult situations and emotions while determining the best way to handle them. It provides the support needed to take action. Self-pity, on the other hand, does the opposite.

2. Self-Compassion Is Weak

What’s the point of self-care and compassion in tough situations? Shouldn’t you just grit your teeth and push through? This is often what we learn from a young age. Even when discussing illness, we use words like fighting and overcoming.

This fighter mentality might help in a boxing ring, but in life, love and support are more valuable for maintaining resilience. Taking care of yourself and practicing self-compassion actually gives you the strength to persevere when things get tough.

Research shows that self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of resilience. Moreover, constantly pushing through challenges without self-care can harm your mental and physical health in the long run.

3. Self-Compassion Is Lazy

“If I’m kind and caring toward myself, I’ll never get off the couch. I won’t strive to do my best. I won’t improve myself.” Many people believe they need to be harsh to stay motivated, fearing that kindness will make them complacent.

However, a harsh, critical inner voice is more undermining than motivating. It may push you off the couch to prepare for an important presentation, but that motivation comes from fear.

Your inner critic stems from fears—fear of not being good enough, fear of not belonging, fear of being vulnerable, and fear of being different.

That’s why being understanding and encouraging toward yourself is far more effective. It motivates you to bring out your best—not driven by fear, but by self-respect.

What Does Self-Care Involve?

Psychologist Kristin Neff has conducted extensive research on self-compassion. Her TED Talk on the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion is worth watching:

How to Practise Self-Care?

You can practice self-compassion at home through various exercises. These five steps are a great start:

1. Recognise your critical voice: Notice how you speak to yourself. Every time you are self-critical, pause and focus on your breath. Try to be as kind and caring toward yourself as you would be to a friend in that moment.
2. Acknowledge your feelings: Difficult moments are a part of life. Recognize your emotions in these moments, avoid taking them personally, and be mindful of self-criticism. Now is the time to be kind to yourself.
3. Take mindful breaks: Constantly pushing forward increases stress and makes you less aware of your inner critic. Give your brain regular breaks by doing nothing at all.
4. Pay attention to your body: Regularly check in with how your body feels. What does it need right now? Maybe you need to stand up and stretch, dance around the room, or step outside for fresh air.
5. Practice gratitude: Reflect on what you did well today. What are you proud of? What qualities of yourself are you grateful for? It may sound cliché, but scientific research highlights the positive effects of simple gratitude.
6. Join a self-compassion training: In Mindful Self-Compassion Training, you learn the scientifically supported principles and practical tools of self-compassion to work and live with more ease. You motivate yourself through kindness and, in doing so, achieve more.

You might also find this interesting: Being Less Hard on Yourself: How Mindfulness Helps with Kindness

Credits image: Lisa Fotios via Pexels